Loss is a central theme to adoption, and it is experienced by all constellation members. Losses must be acknowledged, validated, and grieved in order to heal and move forward. If losses are not grieved, the ongoing hurt and pain will negatively impact one’s ability to function and form healthy attachments. Children grieve differently than adults, so it is important for adoptive parents to understand and identify how loss and grief manifest developmentally, behaviorally, and emotionally and learn strategies for helping children heal. Resources in this section can help children and families identify their losses and focus on building a secure attachment that will help both heal.
The 27 S’s of Attachment-Focused Parenting
Hughes (2016)
Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy Network
Discusses approaches and tools that can help improve outcomes for children who have experienced separation and loss in the past.
The 3-5-7 Model: Helping Children Work Through Grief
Henry (2014)
North American Council on Adoptable Children
Addresses the challenges of achieving permanency for children and how being vigilant about children’s pain is crucial to preventing additional losses.
API's Eight Principles of Parenting
Attachment Parenting International (2019)
Assists parents with how to better understand child development, how to identify their children's needs, and how to better to respond to their children with respect and empathy to ultimately become more conscious of and attuned to their needs.
Children and Adoption: The School Age Years (6–11) (PDF - 811 KB)
Singer (2016)
Center for Adoption Support and Education
Describes grief as a normal adaptive response in school-age children processing adoption.
Creating a Secure Attachment in an Adopted Child
Hafetz
The Attached Family
Outlines the attachment process and examples of how families cope with a child struggling from an attachment disorder. The article also provides principals of adoptive parenting as well as parenting solutions for helping children who misbehave as a result of an attachment disorder.
| Series Title | Factsheets for Families |
| Author(s) | Child Welfare Information Gateway |
| Availability | View Download (PDF - 252KB) Order (Free) |
| Year Published | 2018 |
Helping Adopted Children Cope With Grief and Loss
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Children’s Bureau (2019)
Adoption Triad, February
Provides information and resources on the emotions experienced as a result of grief and loss and how to recognize and navigate through those feelings.
| Series Title | Factsheets for Families |
| Author(s) | Child Welfare Information Gateway |
| Availability | View Download (PDF - 314KB) |
| Year Published | 2019 |
The Invisible Realities of Adoption
Adoptive and Foster Family Coalition of New York (2016)
Explains that for adoptions to be successful, children and families must work through the trauma they may experience as part of the adoption process and keep the focus on family to avoid a lifetime of negative feelings of abandonment. This article also explains the nonverbal concept of inducement.
Pathways to Permanence 2: Parenting Children Who Have Experienced Trauma and Loss: Intervention Implemented in Texas for QIC-AG Project (PDF - 487 KB)
Quality Improvement Center for Adoption and Guardianship Support and Preservation (2018)
Summarizes the Pathways to Permanence 2 program and provides foster and adoptive parents, kinship caregivers, and guardians with a foundational understanding of the science of trauma and loss and an insight into the experiences of their children who have been impacted by them.
Post-Adoption Services: Acknowledging and Dealing With Loss
Randall & Watson (2016)
Adoption Advocate, 93
Discusses the emotional ebbs and flows of adoption. Those impacted by adoption are better able to provide supports, services, and understanding that can help them [ST2] and others through the natural transitions and emotions intrinsic to this complex and life-impacting experience.
The Teen Years: Brain Development and Trauma Recovery
Libertin (2019)
Adoptalk
North American Council on Adoptable Children
Guides parents and caregivers in developing parenting strategies that prioritize family connection and establish trust.
Understanding Ambiguous Loss (PDF - 47 KB)
Fosterparentcollege.com (2016)
Defines ambiguous loss and examines the reasons why children may experience unresolved grief following adoption and suggests ways that parents can help children throughout their processing.