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Parenting a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused: A Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents
Factsheet for Families

Author(s):  Child Welfare Information Gateway

Year Published:  2008

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2. Establishing Family Guidelines for Safety and Privacy

There are things you can do to help ensure that any child visiting or living in your home experiences a structured, safe, and nurturing environment. Some sexually abused children may have a heightened sensitivity to certain situations. Making your home a comfortable place for children who have been sexually abused can mean changing some habits or patterns of family life. Incorporating some of these guidelines may also help reduce foster or adoptive parents' vulnerability to abuse allegations by children living with them. Consider whether the following tips may be helpful in your family's situation:

• Make sure every family member's comfort level with touching, hugging, and kissing is respected. Do not force touching on children who seem uncomfortable being touched. Encourage children to respect the comfort and privacy of others.
• Be cautious with playful touch, such as play fighting and tickling. These may be uncomfortable or scary reminders of sexual abuse to some children.
• Help children learn the importance of privacy. Remind children to knock before entering bathrooms and bedrooms, and encourage children to dress and bathe themselves if they are able. Teach children about privacy and respect.
• Keep adult sexuality private. Teenage siblings may need reminders about what is permitted in your home when boyfriends and girlfriends are present.
• Be aware of and limit sexual messages received through the media. Children who have experienced sexual abuse can find sexual content overstimulating or disturbing. It may be helpful to monitor music and music videos, as well as television programs, video games, and movies containing nudity, sexual activity, or sexual language. Limit access to grown-up magazines and monitor children's Internet use.

If your child has touching problems (or any sexually aggressive behaviors), you may need to take additional steps to help ensure safety for your child as well as his or her peers. Consider how these tips may apply to your own situation:

• With friends. If your child has issues with touching other children, you may want to ensure supervision when he or she is playing with friends, whether at your home or theirs. Sleepovers may not be a good idea when children have touching problems.
• At school. You may wish to inform your child's school of any inappropriate sexual behavior, to ensure an appropriate level of supervision. Often this information can be kept confidential by a school counselor or other personnel.
• In the community. Supervision becomes critical any time children with sexual behavior problems are with groups of children, for example at day camp or after-school programs.

Keep the lines of communication open, so children feel more comfortable turning to you with problems and talking with you about anything—not just sexual abuse. Remember however, that sexual abuse is difficult for most children to disclose even to a trusted adult.

For more information about developing a safety plan for your family, see:

• Create a Family Safety Plan
  Stop It Now!
  www.stopitnow.org/downloads/SafetyPlan.pdf

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Updated on October 9, 2009